Life is so full of problems, right? We go through life with
issues and emotional baggages that we keep as anchors, hunting us, making us
feel suffering or hurt for the rest of our lives until we refuse to let them go.
However, do not fret. Yes, life is full of problems but it’s also filled with
what psychologists call as “fixers” or “helpers”. They are the people who
are willing to solve other people’s problem. They do self-sacrificing things
which is a double-edged sword. With their need to please others, they forget about themselves. They forget the importance of self-worth.
Me? I’m not like that. I’m a very selfish person. Though,
some of my closest friends will laugh at this statement. (You have to know that
most of my life, I’ve been the go-to-person of many of my friends. Some says
that I’m a good listener and I don’t judge. They think of me as this good
person. But I like to prove them wrong. I’m a manipulator. I do things to
people to get what’s best for me in a way that will make them think they are
the ones who benefited. Do you get it? But that’s far from what I want to say.)
Moving on, I have to admit now that I find it tiring to help
others. Oh my, I can’t believe I just typed that! Haha! But I suppose it is the
truth. Helping others can be tiring sometimes, specifically if they come to you
with the same problem over and over again. How tiring can that get? But in the
end we do still help anyway, especially if the one involved is someone we
deeply care about. I suppose that shows love, too. What a self-sacrificing
thing for me to do! :))
But when is helping not a help at all???
Are we doing the right thing by helping others? Yes, helping
is a generous noble act. All will agree. But this generous noble act can backfire.
Helping can also cause harm to others or worse to yourself. That’s why I don’t
like helping. It’s bothersome and you have to hold responsibility of other
people’s action especially when they follow the advice you’ve given. LOL, just
kidding! That’s just because I’m selfish. HAHA!
Anyway, I’m going to cite an example. I have this close
friend who has this on and off relationship with my other friend. This makes it
harder for me to help because I have to think of the best situation that both
parties will not (or will be less) get hurt. This on and off again relationship
is a cycle that, for whatever reason, they cannot break. So this close friend
of mine keeps coming to me with the same complaints. I have to listen and
understand the same complaints over and over again. And of course, every time,
I should be supportive. Please think of the things you will say to your friend
to keep his or her relationship going. That’s what I’ve said to her because I
still can see that she really loves this guy. I’ve thought that the best thing
for her is to continue with this relationship. And I think that I’ve told her
in every encouraging possible way.
But recently, I’m not sure if this is the right thing or
not, I’ve confronted her because I’m against this unhealthy cyclic
relationship. Though, I both care for them very much, their relationship has to
stop. I’ve told her that she can’t keep doing this to her ex/boyfriend. She has
to break the cycle. She has to stop this never-ending dynamics of their
relationship because the hurt and the confusion will never stop.
After confronting her, this has gotten me thinking if I have
done the right thing. There’s a part of me that thinks, maybe, I’m imposing too
much. It’s their relationship. It’s their life. They can do everything they
want. And what if they’re meant to have that on and off again relationship? That this messy path is the only way to have their happy ending. And
I’m the one noser who got in their way of that happy ending! And what do I
know about relationships? Not that much. I don’t have a master’s degree in
relationships. I haven’t been even in one! (Wait! Now that I think about it, I'm also part of the cycle! Maybe, I have the right to stop this cylcle.lol)
That is scary yet a good thing. To be accountable of other people’s problem.
To help when they’re in need. To fix if something is needed to be fixed. Even
if you don’t know what you’re doing. But I suppose not
at all times. I think that sometimes the best help we can give is listening and
the best solution we can provide is nothing. We let them be, no matter how we want
them to do the right thing. (I suppose some needs to experience things just to
learn.)
She’s not yet breaking the cycle. But I’m done helping. I’m
done giving advice. I'm done pinpointing the right thing to do. (Though, I'm not sure if it is the right thing.) Now, the only thing I can give her is support to whatever
decision she makes. I have to be ok with her decision even though I don’t like
it. I think that is the best way for me to act as her friend.
In our rush to fix, to
help, to solve, most of us never pause to wonder if we're doing the right
thing. Because after all, how could trying to help someone be
wrong? Being Erica
